Tuesday, April 29, 2008

And now Sherry, Chika and Arun will take you through to the end of the game...

Navjot Singh Sidhu (NS), Arun Lal (AL) and Kris Srikkhant (KS) are in the commentary box and the Chennai Super Kings need 12 runs off the last over. The Super Kings are playing Kings XI Punjab and Brett Lee is ready to bowl the last over. M.S. Dhoni is on strike and at the non-striker's end stands Parthiv Patel.

AL: So, one over left and twelve runs to win. Brett Lee to bowl and the skipper of the Super Kings, Dhoni, is on strike. This is going to be close.

NS: Arun, this has the makings of a classic, I tell you. Dhoni has been cool as a cucumber so far and he's just got to see this game through.

AL: Yes indeed, Sherri, yes indeed.

KS: The Super Kings will win this game. You can hear the crowd shouting 'Jeetega Super Kings Jeetega'.

AL: Hmmm, I can't hear that chant, this is Mohali after all.

KS: Errr, still Super Kings will win because they aren't only Kings, they are also Super.

AL: So...Brett Lee is at the start of his run up and Dhoni takes his stance.

(Lee runs in and bowls one wide outside off stump, Dhoni slashes hard and the ball runs off to the third man boundary for four).

NS: Brilliant shot that, from the bat of the Indian Captain. He wields that bat like a mace, this Bheem from Jharkhand.

AL: Yes indeed, Sherri, that was well played. It's still an uphill task for the Super Kings though.

KS: Yaar the Super Kings have this game in the bag. Brett Lee is fast but Dhoni is faster…with the bat.

(Next ball is a fast yorker and Dhoni plays it back to the bowler. Lee stares back at Dhoni and the crowd roars).

AL: On the stumps that ball and Lee staring back at Dhoni. This game isn't over yet. 8 required off 4.

NS: Aggression, my friend, is the lifeblood of modern day Cricket.

KS: I remember when I used to open with Sunny; I would go slam-bam from the start. That was aggression, Sherri.

NS: Haha, yes. You would have been perfect for this, the short and sweet version of the game. By your own admission, you never really did last twenty overs when you played.

KS: Errr....

(Ball number 3 and Lee bowls a low full toss that is driven strongly by Dhoni to long off where Sreesanth stops the ball. He throws the ball back to the bowler with a cry of anguish. The batsmen think of two but the loud noise from Sreesanth distracts them and they settle for one).


AL: That was brilliantly struck but Sreesanth stops it. But wait, is he crying? Tears of joy perhaps, but he just stopped the ball.

KS: Even Sherri would have stopped that... on a good day.

NS: Haha Chika, I shall let that slide. Haha...Haha.

AL: Sreesanth is wired up. Let's talk to him directly. Sree, can you hear me?

Sreesanth: (Sniffs) Yes Arun.

AL: Why are you crying? The Super Kings haven't won yet.

Sreesanth: No it’s not that. When the ball hit my hand hard, it reminded me of the hard slap that my bada bhai, Bhajji, gave me.

NS: Sreesanth, strong men do not cry. You are playing for the Kings of Punjab, son, wipe away those tears and show the Sardar from Jalandhar that his slap was the sign of a coward.

Sreesanth: See, I also had this cold today morning...

KS: Maybe, Preity Zinta should give him a hug...

(3 balls left, 7 runs to win. Lee bowls a short ball and Patel tries to glide it over third man. The ball descends as Powar runs in from third man. He drops it and the Super Kings run two).

AL: Powar drops that one there and gives an easy two to the Super Kings. This is poor fielding; Powar should have caught that one. Catches win matches. This match is getting close now.

NS: Humpty Dumpty would have caught that one!

KS: Haha, humpty dumpty...

AL: Two balls to go and 5 runs needed. Parthiv Patel has a chat with Dhoni now and I bet they are discussing how to score those five runs. Two balls remaining.

NS: You can smell the tension! This is a game for the ages. Ice cool Dhoni sharing sage advice with the baby faced keeper from Gujarat.

KS: Did you know that Parthiv made his debut at the age of 17? That's just one year older than when Sachin made his debut, under me. I was the captain when Sachin made his debut.

NS: Yes we know Chika.

AL: Lee is now ready to bowl the 5th ball of the over, 5 to win.

(Lee bowls one wide and short and Parthiv cuts it hard over point and beats the despairing dive of James Hopes at the boundary).

KS: What a shot!

AL: Yes indeed Chika, that was cut over point splendidly.

NS: He may look like a kid but that shot packed so much punch, Muhammad Ali might have felt the sting.

AL: Yes that was splendidly cut, over the fielder at point.

KS: The cheerleaders are creating a good mood for the last ball now.

NS: Chika, the cheerleaders' skirts are like statistics. What they reveal is suggestive...but what they hide is essential! Haha!

AL: The Super Kings should win this as long as they avoid unnecessary run outs or shots in the air, unless of course the ball goes over the fielder's head.

NS: Arun, you are as redundant as a Congress politician.

AL: Yes indeed, Sherri.

(Last ball of the game. Lee bowls a slower one. Parthiv spots it and nudges the ball to Yuvraj at cover).

NS: Yuvraj runs towards the ball as if his life depends on it. Dhoni and Parthiv cross, Yuvraj ball in hand and shoots. Dhoni dives in as the ball crashes into the stumps.

(Square leg umpire Rudi Koertzen decides the batsman is not out).

NS: For a second I thought that the batsmen were committing Hara Kiri there, but Dhoni ran like a gazelle and made his ground. The dreaded finger of Rudi Koertzen stays down and the Super King juggernaut continues to roll.

AL: Yes indeed, this was a close game.

KS: Super game Arun!

Friday, April 25, 2008

Yes, that really is my car

Due to an unforeseen turn of circumstances, I now drive a pretty nice looking car. I have driven a total of 2 times by myself in Chennai and when I got this nice looking car for myself, I had driven probably 10 odd times in the US. It has baffled most that such a new driver gets to drive around such a nice looking car. I make no qualms in accepting that I do not deserve such a beauty. My parents who had been living in Houston for the past year decided to move back to India and since I have a summer internship, I needed a mode of transport. "It was the logical thing to do", I say to the people who roll their eyes when they see me getting into the driver's seat. The fact that I take a bit of time to reverse out of the parking spot in my apartment complex does not seem to help my valiant attempts at showing what an awesome driver I have the potential to be.

One of the biggest disadvantages I face as a driver in a city which I'm not too familiar of, is my direction sense. I lived in Chennai for about 11 years and I did not know the way from my house to most places in the city. I generally tend to sit in a vehicle and then get out once I've been told that I've reached my destination. Now that I'm driving, it's a bit tricky. A friend of mine advised that I get a GPS system. Let me make this clear - getting a GPS system and going to austinsingles.net (both completely unrelated) are two things I never plan to do. Getting a GPS system will make me go back to my old habit of not really noticing my surroundings while I'm in a car. Plus more fancy things inside the car makes it more vulnerable for break-ins.

It's also quite surprising to see that I've become more popular ever since I got this nice looking car. The day I got the car, I received a phone call from a guy who I hadn't spoken to in a while.

"Hey Niyantha!"
"Hey..."
"How's it going man?"
"It's going goo.."
"So you got the car?"
"Yea, how did you.."
"What are you doing this weekend?"
"I don't know, I might wake up late or something"
"We should do something, you have a car man!"
"Maybe"
"We so totally should, it will be pimp"
"Hey I'm getting another call..."
"I don't hear a beep"
"Oh...they replaced the beep system. Will call you back...in a bit"

I wonder if he is still waiting for me to call back...

Sunday, April 13, 2008

" "

I present below some of the funniest (and stupidest quotes) I've heard since coming to college.

-----

We are watching Dil Chahta Hai, and there is this scene where Dimple Kapadia gets a call from her ex-husband on her birthday.Her ex-husband informs her that her daughter will not be coming over to her house. Dimple then gets really upset and throws the champagne glasses on the ground and breaks them.

Dimple: Mere paas kuch nahin hai!
A friend of mine interjects with this gem:
R: Saari glass toot gayi!
-----

We are sitting at Starbucks, drinking our overpriced 'Chai teas' and fancy frappucinos. No one is really talking and the mood is kind of boring. And then this happened:

AG: Hey who is going for Reggae Fest this weekend!
AL: Is Bob Marley going to be playing there?
-----

A few friends of mine are trying to study in the study lounge. 'A' is really proud of the Rado watch that he possesses but never wears.

A: My Rado watch is an antique. My grandfather gave it to me a couple of weeks before he died. I guess he liked me the best.*smug look*
D(not taking his eyes off his book): Sell it on ebay
-----

We are watching Lagaan and then this happens:

A: Aamir Khan is Muslim?
Me: What? Of course, you know, seriously you didn't know? How? It's Aamir KHAN like Shahrukh KHAN.
A: (Bewildered look) Shahrukh Khan is Muslim too?!
-----

We've been waiting for our pizza for half an hour and so B decides to lighten the mood by saying a funny anecdote.

B: You know that the word 'boob' means to mess up, make a mistake.
Me: In what language?
B: English man.
Me: Oh.
B: Yea...so I had this Math professor, retired military guy, booming voice. So, once in class, he asked a girl a question and she gave the wrong answer. And he said, "haha you made a boob".

Me and the rest of the people at the table are still straight faced, waiting for the punchline.

B covers his face with his hand, 'Damn, that sounded funnier in my head'.
-----

For an organization fair, we were planning to have a Dress like a South Asian stall.

A (trying to help me wear a dhoti): Spread your legs
Me: Thats what she said! Oh wait, no, that doesn't sound right....
-----

I'm walking back to my apartment and on the way I see a friend. He is listening to his I-Pod.
Me : Hey!
C: Nothing Much
-----

V calls a cab for Mrinalini.
V: Is this Austin Cab?
Operator: No. This is Yellow Cab.
V: Oh, awesome.
(Silence)
Operator: Where do you want to go?
V: Where do I want to go?
Mrinalini shouts the address.
V: (Says the address to the operator)
Operator: And your name?
V: You can call me MRI.
Operator: MRI?
V: Yea, that could be a real name.Why are you laughing?
(I still do not understand how we were able to get a cab that night)
-----

M: When I am drunk, I tend to frighten chicks away.
Me:Ah
M: And when I'm sober...
-----

Cricket match. Batsman hits the ball in the air and N tries to catch it but the wind makes the ball move a lot and he completely misses it.

N: Arrey yaar, I was like Hrithik Roshan in Khwaja Mere Khwaja there!
-----

And to bring this post to a conclusion

We are learning how to say the time in Hindi:
Hindi professor: If it is 2:14 PM, you should always say it is 2:15 PM. There are two reasons for this.
Reason 1: If you say 2:14, no one will ever ask you the time again.
Reason 2: By the time you say 2:14 , it will already be 2:15 .

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Offensive Articles

I am part of a magazine called Nazar, and yesterday we got a disturbing email. I've pasted the initial email and the conversation that followed (names of Nazar committee members changed to their committee positions).

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From: Mr. K (name changed)
Date: Tue, Apr 1, 2008 at 12:28 PM
To: mailnazaronline@gmail.com


President.

I write this email in reference to two articles that were published in your magazine, Nazar - A South Asian Perspective. The two articles I talk about are M.F. Husain - The Wronged One and your cover story, Is Mumbai Losing Its Secular Charm?

On behalf of the Indian American Intellectual Forum, I would like to strongly recommend you to take down these two articles with immediate effect. Your cover story demeans Mr. Raj Thackeray who has stood up to his beliefs, by asking him if he would like to be a night watchman. I am deeply disappointed that the youth of today do not show the desired respect to older individuals.

The article on M.F Husain portrays the painter as being wronged. This is completely wrong, his paintings have degraded Hindu Gods and Goddesses for years now and the article seems to absolve him of his wrongdoings.

If the articles are not removed, we might have to take more serious actions.

Regards,

Mr. K
President, Indian American Intellectual Forum
----------

From: Nazar <mailnazaronline@gmail.com>
Date: Tue, Apr 1, 2008 at 4:53 PM
To: Nazar Committee


What do you guys think?

----------
From: Editor-In-Chief
Date: Tue, Apr 1, 2008 at 6:30 PM

To: Nazar Committee

Hey guys,

I just spoke to (the President) and he wanted to me inform all of you that the best thing to do in this situation is to formulate a generic legal letter which we can send out to anyone who send us such emails in the future. For this, we will have to go to Texas Publications or some other form of legal assistance. Basically the guys who sent us this email have terrible points ( I really don't give a crap if I'm not respecting Raj Thackrey- my "elder").. and there is NO form of action that they can take. However, if they do take some "action" ( I don't know what) before we get this legal document intact, we can get our own lawyer - they give UT students free legal advice on campus - Im not sure exactly where but it can be very easily looked up. Let me know what you guys think and if any of you can give us some more information. One thing we should refrain from doing ( no matter how hard it is) is to send a long abusive mail back.

-Editor-In-Chief

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From: Vice President
Date: Tue, Apr 1, 2008 at 6:37 PM
To: Nazar Committee

Hey!

I completely agree with Editor-In-Chief and President's idea. I think that formulating a generic legal letter would be the right thing to do so as to prevent such groups from 'bullying' us to give in to their own beliefs. But before we do anything, I think we should approach Texas Publications on advice in handling such matters and then if necessary take the university legal services' help.

Cheers,
Vice President

----------
From: Mr. K (name changed)
To: Nazar Committee

I would like to thank all of you for making April Fools Day 2008 one of my best.


Regards,

Mr. K aka Niyantha Shekar
------

From: Editor-In-Chief
Date: Tue, Apr 1, 2008 at 8:15 PM
To: Nazar Committee

niyantha is going to be killed. wait and watch.

----------------------

I doubt there is any real truth to that threat...


P.S: No offense meant to the Indian American Intellectual Forum, it was all in jest.