Sunday, October 23, 2005

What the BCCI stands for

Very recently there was a meeting regarding the spat between Saurav Ganguly, the Indian Cricket Captain and Greg Chappel, the Indian Cricket Coach. It was chaired by Ranbir Singh Mahendra, the President of BCCI. Following this line is what I believe happened in that meeting.

Mahendra: Good Morning gentlemans. We are haveeng thees meeting today to find a solutions for thees problem.

Ravi: I suggest Grammar classes.

Mahendra: Excuse me Ravi! I was meaning finding the solutions for India losing the matches and the settling of dispute between the Greg Chappal...

Greg: Its Chappel mate!

Mahendra: That is what I said. As I was in the saying, the settling of dispute between Greg Chappal and Saurav Ganguly. That is why I have called Ravi Shastri, Sunil Gavaskar and Srinivas Venkatraghavan to help me find solutions. Let us start with Ravi. Give solution.

Ravi: Saurav, why did you go public with the issue involving you and Greg?

Saurav: Hmm, the boys did not play well today. It was a bad day in the office for us. The boys did not score enough runs nor take enough wickets. The boys...

Ravi: Saurav, I must remind you that this is not an after-match presentation ceremony.

Saurav: Uhhh, sorry Ravi. I...

Greg: He's practised that speech a lot in recent times.

Ravi: Greg, I would prefer it if this meeting went off peacefully.

Greg: Whatever, mate.

Saurav: Ravi, it irked me that someone would ask me to give up my captaincy despite me being the most successful captain for India.

Sunil: Yes Saurav, you are the most successful captain but that has nothing to do with you washing dirty linen in public.

Mahendra: Saurav, I didn't know that you wash your own dirty clothes. I was in the thinking that you gave it to the laundarary service.

Sunil: Oh God! It's a saying, Mahendra, like crying over spilt milk.

Mahendra: Oh, you mean due to water problems you are adding water to your milk by crying?

Sunil: Crying over spilt milk is an idiom!

Mahendra: You are calling me an idiot!!

Sunil: Uhhh, Greg, What do you think about this mess? I mean the spat between you and Saurav.

Greg: I feel that it was an issue blown way out of proportion. It was just a talk that I had had with Saurav dealing with team selection and it was a talk that should have been kept within the dressing room.

Venkat: Do you think that a coach can ask a Captain to step down?

Greg: Why not? If Saurav's not performing, he shouldn't play.

Saurav: Huhum, Excuse me Greg, I did score a century against Zimbabwe.

Greg: Mate, Geoffrey Boycott's mum could score a century against Zimbabwe..blindfolded!

Mahendra: Wow! Very talented mother. Mine is very good in the making of the aloo parathas. She also make good milk sweets. I think you will like them Sunil. It isn't made with the cried milk you were in the talking about.

Sunil: Oh...good.

Saurav: Greg, A century is a century, whether it is scored against Australia or whether it is scored against Zimbabwe.

Greg: You wouldn't score a century against Australia, mate. They are awesome when it comes to bowling short pitched stuff and you run towards square leg whenever you see a ball coming waist high or above.

Mahendra: Greg, you can't blame Saurav for that. They say they'll ball short pitch and they ball very high balls. Shouldn't they call it tall pitch balling?

Greg: I can see why Indian Cricket is in shambles.

Ravi: Saurav, you haven't performed consistently for two and a half years now and India hasn't been faring well too. Why should you continue to stay at the helm?

Saurav: The boys are not playing to their potential. They haven't performed when required but I believe that this is a temporary phase.

Greg: You didn't answer the question mate.

Saurav: I did Greg.

Greg: No, you didn't!

Saurav: Yes, I did!

Greg: No, you didn't!

Saurav: Yes, I did!

Mahendra: Ooo, this is vaery exiting.

Venkat: Exciting, you mean?

Mahendra: Yes, that is what I said.

Sunil: Saurav, why do you deserve to be Captain?

Saurav: I am the most successful Indian captain.

Sunil: You already said that.

Ravi: Remember Saurav, even good captains have an expiry date.

Mahendra: Even the Dates I had boughten yesterday had an expiry date.

Ravi: Saurav, give me a proper answer. There's no use beating around the bush.

Mahendra: Ravi, why are you breenging the George Bush into this? Let us stick to Cricket.

Sunil gives a sympathizing look to Ravi.

Ravi: Saurav, tell me why you went public with your problems with Greg and why you merit a place in the Indian Cricket team despite your poor performance with the bat.

Saurav: The boys... Hmm... You know, the boys...I did score a century against Zimbabwe... Uhhh.. The boys?

Mahendra: I say, give him a life line. Phone-a-friend. Call Jagmohan bhai, Saurav.

Greg: Listen mates, Indian Cricket isn't going to go anywhere if we are going to be afraid to drop players just because of their past records. We need to be fair to all the Cricketers in India. You don't perform, you ain't gonna get picked. Simple.

Venkat: Greg, wouldn't it have been in the best interest of the team if you had kept this talk with Saurav after the tour was over? An unhappy captain is not good for the team morale.

Greg: A non-performing captain is also not good for the team morale!

Saurav scowls.

Mahendra: Excuse me Gentlemans, it is time for tea break now. We don't seems to be settling dispute here. Why don't we just shake hand and call juice?

Sunil(indignantly): You mean truce!

Mahendra: No I mean juice only. I am very thirsty.

This is just a mockery of what occurs in the BCCI conferences but I suspect that it is pretty close to the actual happenings. The BCCI is a pretty pathetic organization. I am not talking about the money making bit. I am talking about the way they handle problems. I also feel that instead of having honorary members they should have paid employees. The theory that “They should do it for the love of Cricket” is just bs. The truth is you get more work and better work done if you pay your workers and the BCCI aren’t in any ways short of money. As I read in a magazine recently, BCCI really stands for, “Board of Cricket Controversies in India”.


Harish said...

Sunil: Crying over spilt milk is an idiom!

Mahendra: You are calling me an idiot!!

this was my fave! :) good one!

Anonymous said...

this blog of urs is fantastic

Splutters said...

Deer Mishter Nuon
I is the mahendra speaking. What is you doing to the BCCI a?
What, is you the thinking that you can make the funny out of me? It is simpoly impojible. I is the having many conecsons with the big big people. Just begaus you doesnt like me dont mean you can be able to call me an idiom. You simpoly not a Indian Gentlemans and you is the makings of bada bada mountains out of chote chote molar hills. And on topping of that, you is the making idiomic bloggers like Gobbles sorry i is the meaning Hobbes laughing insultedly at I.
Thankings of yous
The Bresidont of BCCI

Neon said...

Thanks Harish and anonymous!

Neon said...


Vishal said...

LOL... brilliant one neon!! send it to ndtv sherry mite read it... :D
and hobbes ROTFL....

Neon said...

Thanks vishal!

Bhå®àth said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Leon said...

This is real laughing out loud stuff mate.. :-)

Neon said...

Thanks Leon!

Anonymous said...



the thing inside me said...


lalu said...

I ooze charm I say.
"molar hills"
Such Charm.