Sunday, August 21, 2005

Azhukkai Kaakha- Part 1

The camera pans around and we see an aluminium box on top of a tree. Surrounding the tree is a vast, black, koovam river. We get a close-up shot of a buffalo which is bathing in the river. The buffalo winks. Suddenly the aluminium box gets shattered and a thin man with a broom clutched tightly in his hand is thrown out and falls into the river. The underwater camera shows our hero lying on the excreta bed very visibly unconscious. The camera now turns to the 5 rupee watch on his hand and we look at the magnificence of this scene with great awe. Suddenly, our hero is woken up by a shabbily dressed lady who has a phenol bottle in her hand. He begins to run behind her and we have our first song.

"Uyirin Uyire, Uyirin Uyire
Azhukkin madhiyil kathu kidhakindraen
Karuppu alaigal azhukkai vari mugathil iraithum
muzhutum vaerkindraen"

Our hero finishes this dream sequence and wakes up realizing that all this time he was being licked by the water bufffalo. The buffalo winks at him and he runs away in fright and collapses on the koovam shore. Flashback begins.

Hero: My name is Azhukku Selvan, TCS. TCS - Toilet Cleaning Service. I have encountered several problems in my life and this is my latest predicament. I shall take you back to the day I met the love of my life.

Ten days ago

Hero: My life is so boring. Everyday I only clean toilets. My only friend is this Harpic bottle. I feel like...

(Our heroine walks past with a bottle of phenol in her hand and our hero starts singing)

Hero: She is very dirty, sh nana nana oh oh
Is a friend of typhoid, sh nana nana oh oh
Now now she's a mystery,sh nana nana oh oh
Fills your head with nausea, sh nana nana oh oh
Oah oah yeah yeah hey
Lala lala la

Oru ooril azhakae uruvai orutti irundhalae
Azhukkikku ilakkanam ezhutha avalum pirandhalae
Aval kazhuvum vidangalai paarkayilae
Pala varudham paritchayam poalirikkum
Eppozhutum vaandhi enakku varum, avalai parthalae
Mudhalam parvayilae, Mudhal Mudhal parvayilae
Vaandhi eduthaenae

Heroine blushes

Hero: When you blush, the colour of your skin matches the 45000th colour on that RMKV saree.

Heroine: So sweet of you.

Hero: What is that smell? Do use any special perfume?

Heroine: Oh yes. It is called Putrid.

Hero: A fragrance that lives up to its name! Oh splendid woman, what do you call yourself?

Heroine mumbles quietly.

Hero: Maya! What a beautiful name!

Heroine: Not Maya, Aaya.

Hero: Even better! I am Azhukku Selvan TCS.

Heroine: You work in Tata Consultancy Services!

Hero: No, Toilet Cleaning Services. Where do you work?

Heroine: I am a freelance toilet cleaner.

Hero: So do you use Harpic to clean toilets?

Heroine: Nothing can beat Phenol.... I have to go now. Toilets don't clean themseleves, do they?

Hero: I don't think so.

Heroine: Bye.

Hero: Oh bye.

(The heroine's hair brushes the hero's face as she walks past him. The hero falls down unconscious).


To be continued...

2 comments:

Gaya said...

Lol!! Nutter.. :D
Waiting for Part 2!

Vishal said...

hehe too good buddy. waitin fer sequel.