Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Sob! It's over- again!!


The play is finally over! After two months of saying, "The carnival is coming to town", my thought process has slowed down quite a bit. I'm completely exhausted but it's all worth it because the play came out well, much better than the one we did on our Founder's Day. There were some goof-ups, including one glaring one made by yours truly. I forgot to say one of my lines and realised it only when my co-stars gave me venomous glares. One heartening factor was that the audience actually laughed at a few of my lines (I'm the only serious character in the play). It was an incredibly fun experience and I had an awesome time on stage. I had some interesting experiences while I was waiting backstage too. When I put on my costume, I looked very much like a beggar and my classmates thought so too. One of the dancers, dropped a 50 paise coin in my hand and said that I looked like a bekaari, which I later found out meant beggar in Hindi. I don't know why he was so smarmy, he looked like a waiter in his white and black attire. To add to my woes my make-up made me look like the Joker in Batman and I started making dumb jokes so that people wouldn't notice my appearance. One of them was "What do you call a barbie doll, jumping up and down?..... Anju Barbie George". And that was the best one!
It was a brilliant day and will forever be etched in my memory. God, that sounded disgusting. Etched in memory, yuck! Lets just say, it was one of the best days of my life : )

P:S: I shall be posting the pictures of the play on The Society of People Who have Nothing To Do blog in a couple of days, so check that out if you have nothing to do.

Monday, August 29, 2005

Azhukkai Kaakha - The Finale!!

To read Part 3, click here


Back to the koovam shore

Hero: What is the hot substance that is falling on my head?

The audience is now shown a series of crows sitting on a tree. Azhukku immediately gets up and runs up to the aluminum box.

Apprentice: Buy Barpick- It’s a bar above the rest

Hero: ???

Apprentice: Buy Barpick- It’s a bar above the rest

Hero: I will buy Barpick if you take me to Potty-ya.

Apprentice: Okay.

Azhukku’s common sense had helped him once again. He really is a model toilet cleaner, isn’t he?

Potty-ya’s lair

Villain: Azhukku’s dead. Barpick sales will boom now!!! Hahahaha!

Apprentice: Hahahahaha

Villain: Who’s choking there? Reveal yourself.

Apprentice: It’s me boss.

Villain: Where were you, you knucklehead?

Apprentice: I was saying, “Buy Barpick- It’s a bar above the rest” in that aluminium box, just like you had asked me to. I even got you a customer!

Villain: Oh, did I hurt your feelings Tigerbaam? Where is that customer you were talking about?

Azhukku jumps over Tigerbaam and this is shown Matrix style (This is where all the money was spent).

Hero: Potty-ya! Where have you hidden Aaya?

Villain: Tigerbaam, you annoying mass of shit!!! Wait till I get my hands on you!!!

Apprentice: Sorry boss.

Hero: Where is Aaya?

Heroine: I am here (Jumps from behind Potty-ya, non-matrix style but Captain Vijaykanth style due to lack of funds).

Hero: Come to me, oh beautiful maiden.

Heroine: Azhukku you are a nice guy and all but I have decided to ditch you.

Hero: What? Why?

Heroine: Look there! (mouth hangs open).

Tigerbaam is standing in his colour changing underwear.

Heroine: Tigerbaam!!! Will you marry me?

Apprentice: Ok, I guess.

Aaya takes Tigerbaam’s hand and begins to walk out.

Hero: Aaya!!

Villain: Tigerbaam, you suck!

Apprentice: Sorry boss.

Potty-ya and Azhukku look at each other.

Hero: Potty, I think this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Azhukku and Potty-ya smile at each other and walk off into the sun-set.

A toilet seat closes symbolising ….

The End

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Azhukkai Kaakha- Part 3

To read Part 2- click here

Back to Koovam shore

Hero: So as you just saw, I had an enemy. An enemy who had a wonderful hairdo but that was not good enough. He didn’t have any brains, or so I thought…

6 days ago

Azhukku goes to all the toilets in Chennai and invites all the toilet cleaners for a conference. He walks all around Chennai, and his fellow toilet cleaners walk in a procession behind him. All this is shown in fast forward to give more effect. We have a monkey playing the drums. No, it does not have anything to do with the movie, we just wanted a Guinness Record. Azhukku reaches the stage which he has erected in the middle of Anna Flyover so that the people who do not have place to sit on the flyover can see him from the ground.

Hero: My dear friends, I have asked you all to come here because we toilet cleaners are in grave danger. A man called Potty-ya has challenged me saying that he will make all of you use Barpic instead of Harpick.

Crowd: No! Never!

Hero: We must all stand united against this evil force.

Crowd: We will!

Hero: Ok, that’s all. Bye.

Crowd: Hey!!! What about the free samosas you promised us?

Azhukku jumps off the flyover and reaches safe landing on top of a petrol bunk when he over-hears Potty-ya talking to Tigerbaam.

Villain: This Azhukku fellow is more determined than I thought. We have to stop him.

Apprentice: What do you plan to do?

Villain: I heard that Azhukku has a girlfriend called Aaya. We can kidnap her and use her as a pawn in my evil plan. How is my idea?

Apprentice: Brilliant boss! Hahahaha! Hahahaha!

Villain: What happened? Are you choking?

Apprentice: No. That was my evil laugh.

Villain: You are quite a dimwit.

Apprentice: Sorry Boss.

Azhukku hears all this in stunned silence. He realizes that his enemy will not play fair. So he decides to marry Aaya thinking that this might somehow save her. He mimes all this out to the audience, just for extra effect.

Azhukku goes to the public toilet where Aaya is busy cleaning along with her colleagues.

Heroine: Did you come to see me?

Hero: I don’t know anyone else here… You are in grave danger right now but I feel that you will be safe if you marry me.

Heroine: You’re pretty crazy! But I’ll marry you anyway.

Hero: Yay!!

The wedding is not shown due to budget constraints. A thali symbolizing marriage is shown instead. The happily married couple now go to an aluminium box on top of a tree to celebrate their marriage. They dance to a romantic song.

“Ondra renda toiletgal,
Ellam kazhuvavae oru naal podhuma”

Next morning

Potty-ya enters the aluminium box with Tigerbaam.

Villain: Do you remember what you are supposed to say?

Apprentice: You are under arrest!

Villain: No idiot!!

Apprentice: Sorry boss.

Villain: You are supposed to say ,” Buy Barpick- It’s a bar above the rest” and after that…

Apprentice: Hahahahaha

Villain: No no don’t start choking!

Apprentice: Sorry boss.

Villain: You are supposed to move over and I will make my grand entrance.

Apprentice: Okay boss.

Potty-ya and Tigerbaam enter the bedroom… sorry bathroom, where Azhukku and Aaya are cleaning the toilets.

Apprentice: Buy Barpick- It’s a bar above the rest.

Azhukku: It’s you again!

Villain: Azhukku.

Hero: Potty-ya.

Villain: Join my side and you shall survive.

“I will survive” music track is played in the background for extra buildup.

Hero: Never! I would rather flush myself!

Music mutes.

Azhukku moves back so that he can get a running start and jump on Potty-ya. What he doesn’t realize is that there is no wall behind him (budget constraints) and he falls off. The audience now see the first scene again.

To be continued... (I swear there's only one more part)

The funniest pantomime ever and I'm in it! Tickets are being sold! What are you waiting for?


The Lady Andal Theatre Club is putting up a Play and a Pantomime on the 29th of this month which happens to be a Monday. The show starts at 7:00 PM in the Museum Theatre, Egmore. The tickets cost Rs.100 each and can be bought in the Lady Andal School which is on Harrington Road in Chetput. The programme starts off with a performance by our school band, followed by a play about the last five seconds of Mahatma Gandhi, and ends with the pantomime,Aladdin(must watch, cos I am playing Aladdin). In the picture above, I'm the guy with the snazzy blue jacket. So if you would like to see me act, you would probably enjoy the other stuff too, please buy the tickets ASAP cos they are selling like hot cakes. Why do hotcakes sell so fast? Well anyway, please do come to our pantomime and I assure you that you will have loads of fun!

If you have any queries please post them in the comments box.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Azhukkai Kaakha- Part 2

To read part 1, click here

Back to the koovam shore

Hero: Ahh, Aaya took my breath away-literally! She was the person I needed in my life. That special woman who would make my life ... uhhh.. ahh yes, special! Then one day, something happened, something that made me realise how much I loved Aaya.

9 and a half days ago

Our hero is standing guard outside a public toilet when he sees the heroine walking towards him.

Heroine: Hello Azhukku!

Hero: Long time, no see.

Heroine: Stupid! It is A-B-C !

Hero: Uhhh

Heroine: I was cleaning the toilet in Cafe Coffee Day when I saw you through the ventilator window. Do you want to (blushes) clean with me?

Hero: (Blushes) I would love to, but I can't. The Chief Minister is coming this way and he makes his routine toilet stop here. I have to make sure that no one pollutes this toilet. Duty calls.

Heroine: Well okay then. I will miss you.

Suddenly an ONYX lorry coming that way crashes into Aaya who hits an ONYX dust bin, flies up and falls into the garbage in the ONYX lorry. Azhukku looks at this in horrified silence. The lorry does not stop. Azhukku begins to run after the lorry. All this is shown in slow motion. Azhukku leaps into the garbage and manages to catch hold of Aaya.

Hero: Oh Aaya! Don’t leave me. I must not cry. I will not cry.

Hero cries

Heroine: Hey! You’re ruining my punch dialogue for the climax! Stop crying.

Hero: I’m not. It must be the effect of these rotten onions. Don’t leave me Aaya!

Aaya is admitted in GH. She survives and there is a close-up shot of Azhukku hugging the Harpic bottle in joy. The audience goes Awww.

Back to koovam shore

Hero: Everything was working for me and I couldn’t have been happier when disaster struck. This is how it happened.

7 days ago

Hero: Life is so beautiful! So so beautiful! Oh I’m so…
Hey! You there! What are you doing! Get away from my toilet!

The man tries to run but Azhukku holds on to his lungi.

Hero: You’ve been cleaning my toilet with Barpick!!! You scoundrel!

Azhukku punches the man. The man quite cleverly takes of his lungi and makes his escape. Like in older films, where the Sari of the heroine changes colour in the fantasy songs, the colour of the man’s underwear is shown changing as he runs away from Azhukku. Azhukku looks at the underwear in amazement and stands transfixed. By the time, Azhukku comes back to his senses, the man catches a share auto, haggles and escapes.

Hero: What kind of an ass cleans toilets with Barpick!!!

Villain: I do! (Villain is a thin man with a mop on his head making him look evil)

Hero: Who are you?

Villain: I am the boss of Tigerbaam, the man you just slapped.

Hero: You’re the boss of that git.

Villain: Yes, I am. My name is Potty-ya. I am a Barpick door-to-door salesman and my apprentice was just giving you a demo when you slapped him.

Hero: Anyone who uses Barpick is an idiot and I’ll slap you too if you don’t run away now.

Villain: So you want to be my enemy. You are going to pay for this. I shall soon make Chennai buy only Barpick!

Hero: Never!!!!

To be continued...

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Azhukkai Kaakha- Part 1

The camera pans around and we see an aluminium box on top of a tree. Surrounding the tree is a vast, black, koovam river. We get a close-up shot of a buffalo which is bathing in the river. The buffalo winks. Suddenly the aluminium box gets shattered and a thin man with a broom clutched tightly in his hand is thrown out and falls into the river. The underwater camera shows our hero lying on the excreta bed very visibly unconscious. The camera now turns to the 5 rupee watch on his hand and we look at the magnificence of this scene with great awe. Suddenly, our hero is woken up by a shabbily dressed lady who has a phenol bottle in her hand. He begins to run behind her and we have our first song.

"Uyirin Uyire, Uyirin Uyire
Azhukkin madhiyil kathu kidhakindraen
Karuppu alaigal azhukkai vari mugathil iraithum
muzhutum vaerkindraen"

Our hero finishes this dream sequence and wakes up realizing that all this time he was being licked by the water bufffalo. The buffalo winks at him and he runs away in fright and collapses on the koovam shore. Flashback begins.

Hero: My name is Azhukku Selvan, TCS. TCS - Toilet Cleaning Service. I have encountered several problems in my life and this is my latest predicament. I shall take you back to the day I met the love of my life.

Ten days ago

Hero: My life is so boring. Everyday I only clean toilets. My only friend is this Harpic bottle. I feel like...

(Our heroine walks past with a bottle of phenol in her hand and our hero starts singing)

Hero: She is very dirty, sh nana nana oh oh
Is a friend of typhoid, sh nana nana oh oh
Now now she's a mystery,sh nana nana oh oh
Fills your head with nausea, sh nana nana oh oh
Oah oah yeah yeah hey
Lala lala la

Oru ooril azhakae uruvai orutti irundhalae
Azhukkikku ilakkanam ezhutha avalum pirandhalae
Aval kazhuvum vidangalai paarkayilae
Pala varudham paritchayam poalirikkum
Eppozhutum vaandhi enakku varum, avalai parthalae
Mudhalam parvayilae, Mudhal Mudhal parvayilae
Vaandhi eduthaenae

Heroine blushes

Hero: When you blush, the colour of your skin matches the 45000th colour on that RMKV saree.

Heroine: So sweet of you.

Hero: What is that smell? Do use any special perfume?

Heroine: Oh yes. It is called Putrid.

Hero: A fragrance that lives up to its name! Oh splendid woman, what do you call yourself?

Heroine mumbles quietly.

Hero: Maya! What a beautiful name!

Heroine: Not Maya, Aaya.

Hero: Even better! I am Azhukku Selvan TCS.

Heroine: You work in Tata Consultancy Services!

Hero: No, Toilet Cleaning Services. Where do you work?

Heroine: I am a freelance toilet cleaner.

Hero: So do you use Harpic to clean toilets?

Heroine: Nothing can beat Phenol.... I have to go now. Toilets don't clean themseleves, do they?

Hero: I don't think so.

Heroine: Bye.

Hero: Oh bye.

(The heroine's hair brushes the hero's face as she walks past him. The hero falls down unconscious).


To be continued...

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

WEIRDAD!

I was playing Cricket 2005 on the comp when I heard this advertisement being shown on Zee English.
It began with a footage from Friends:
-------------------------------------------------------------------

Ross to his daughter Emma:

I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waste
And a round thing in your face

Oh Emma, you're laughing! You've never done that before! Oh, I made you laugh!

Footage ends.

Voice over: Show your children that you care. Be a good father. Protect your child by getting insurance...
-----------------------------------------------------------------

So all you fathers out there, sing "Baby Got Back" to your children and be a person your child can look up to and of course be sure to insure.


God! Advertisements are crap these days!

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Happy Independence Day!

This post is one day late but the sentiments remain the same.

Thamizha Thamizha- Vairamuthu:

thamizha thamizha naalai nam naalae
thamizha thamizha naadum nam naadae
en veedu thaai tamil nadu endrae sollada
en naamam indian endrae endrum nillada
thamizha thamizha naalai nam naalae
thamizha thamizha naadum nam naadae

nilam maaralaam kunam ondru dhaan
idam maaralaam nilam ondru dhaan
mozhi maaralaam porul ondru dhaan
kali maalalaam kodi ondru dhaan
thisai maaralaam nilam ondru dhaan
isai maaralaam mozhi ondru dhaan
nam India motham ondru dhaan vaa...

thamizha thamizha kangaL kalangaadhey
vidiyum vidiyum ullam mayangaadhey
thamizha thamizha kangaL kalangaadhey
vidiyum vidiyum ullam mayangaadhey
unakkullae indhiya raththam undaa illaiya
ondraana bharatham unnai kaakkum illaiya
thamizha thamizha naalai nam naalae
thamizha thamizha naadum nam naadae

Could there ever be better lyrics for a song?

Saturday, August 13, 2005

I watched The Fallen, woe is me!

I went to see "The Fallen", which was a part of the Metro Plus Theater Festival, day before yesterday in the Sivagami Petachi auditorium. I had Chemistry tuition that day, so I cut the class hoping that that this rock opera would be more enjoyable. I was proved incredibly wrong. "The Fallen" was supposed to depict the long-winding and incredibly boring journey of a loser of a fellow, christened Adam, and his feelings about God, played by a Bharatanatyam dancer (I am not joking). It would have been a really good show if it hadn't been for the stupid storyline and the even more horrible lyrics. Some of the classic ones were,” Darkness engulfs me, like a great black sea/ Pain and Misery, woe is me, woe, woe woe is me”.
The dancers were brilliant to say the least and the musicians were pretty awesome. It seemed like Michael Muthu, the director cum scriptwriter, had written the lines for a play and not for a rock show. The actors had to somehow sing out words like "psychotropic substances". Then there was this pretty weird scene, right after the lead actor has had his intake of 'psychotropic substances', where there are these little hyperactive kids(were they on drugs too?) who bring out these slides and fake ice-creams and start jumping about while the protoganist moves around bumping into them smiling and singing. I was so shocked by the weirdness of this scene that I left the auditorium.

It was painful to watch this awful offering from the Boardwalkers as it was very unlike their previous play "The Bible Abridged" which was pretty enjoyable. The only thing that kept me awake was the complementary Red Bull and the Bru Malabar coffee(has 10% chickery) I had had before the show. I do not know what happens at the end,cos I left early, but I won't be surprised if the last lines of the 'The Fallen' went like this,

God:
"Oh, Adam you have succumbed to evil enticements,
You have shown that you could not stand up to your inner reservations,
You bumped into tiny younglings,
You have an impenetrable heart locked by an iron key,
So come with me, the Almighty, the one who has no care for psychotropic substances,
And we shall sail into the New world, a world full of lavishness, opulence and sumptuousness,
For I am the saviour of all the cadaverous and withered beings,
So come with me Adam,…”

At this point, a disgruntled audience member shoots God. God shouts out, “Woe is me” and falls down. The audience rejoice.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

I'm Published!!

My blog post, "My first motorcycle ride", was published today in the Hyderabad Chronicle. I had asked the Chronicle guys not to publish my post in the Chennai Chronicle due to some... uhh past problems. Lets not discuss that now. The important fact is that my article got published! In Hyderabad! Yay! I'm a published blogger! Yay! If you want to see the published post, click here. Yay!

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Computerji, please lock the answer

AB: Hello and welcome to Kaun Banega Crorepati 2. This time the show is bigger and better and we're giving away a maximum of 2 crore ruppees! Without further adieu, lets get on with the show. To decide who comes to the hot seat, we hill play "Fastest Finger First". Whoever gets the answer correct in the shortest time possible will get to play KBC 2 with me. First let me introduce the contestants.

"Mucus Mather from Kolkata" (Mucus Mather starts digging his nose)


"Iveghotta Pyss fom Haryana" (Iveghotta Pyss starts .... ahem to look uncomfortable)

"Whasthat Shmell from Kerala" (Whasthat Shmell looks at Iveghotta Pyss with disgust)

"Wheresthe Water from Chennai" (Wheresthe Water's tongue hangs out as he looks at Iveghotta Pyss")

"Chandra Mukhi from Vijayanagar" (Chandra Mukhi starts rolling her eyes)

"Bhalding Hed from Bangalore" (Bhalding Hed combs his ... scalp profusely)

Please give the contestants a big hand. Thank you, thank you. Now lets go and play Fastest Finger First. Cmon!

Arrange these letters in alphabetical order:
A) A
B) B
C) C
D) D

Your time's up. Now lets see who is the winner. Uhh, no correct answer... Well, then the person who got the wrong answer in the shortest time gets to sit on the hot seat. And that person is
IVEGHOTTA PYSS from Haryana! Give it up from him.

(Iveghotta Pyss trudges his way towards the Hot Seat as security guards hold on to Wheresthe Water who apparently is feeling very thirsty.)

So Iveghotta Pyss, you've made it to the hot seat!

IP: This seat doesn't feel too hot.

AB: What will you use the money for if you win?

IP: I plan to build a restaurant.

AB: What are you going to call it?

IP: Pyssa Hut

AB: Guess you won’t have any problem with the plumbing (No one laughs).Shall we start KBC 2?

IP: Okay.

AB: Are you excited?

IP: (looking really pained) Will you bloody get on with it?

AB: You seem uncomfortable. Do you want some water?

IP: If I have any more water, the Hot Seat will become a Wet seat.

AB: Uhh.. Okay then. Your first question is

Who is the current Prime Minister of India?
A) Manmohan Singh B) Sachin Tendulkar

C) Sanmohan Mingh D) Tachin Sendulkar

IP: Why such a tough question? I dont know the answer,

AB: You can use your lifelines.

IP: Give me 50-50.

AB: 50-50? Hmmm (scratches his beard). Okay two answer choices have been removed.

A)Manmohan Singh

D) Tachin Sendulkar

IP: Inky Pinky Ponky Father had a donkey, Father died donkey cried, Inky Pinky Ponky. Answer is A.

AB: Are you sure?

IP: Yesss...

AB: Confident?

IP: Yesss...

AB: Shall I lock the answer?

IP: Do you want me to slap you?

AB: Uhhh… You are right. The answer is A) Manmohan Singh. You have won Rs.1000.

IP: Next question...

AB: For Rs. 3000

In which movie did the song "Kaho Naa Pyar Hai" come?
A) Kuch Kuch Hota Hai B) Kaho Naa Pyar Hai

C) Kisna D) Kaal

IP: What is wrong with you? Give me some easy questions kno? I want audience poll.

AB: Okay audience, it looks like Iveghotta Pyss needs your help. Please use the high tech fancy gadget in front of you and select what you think is the right answer.

Iveghotta Pyss, the audience poll result is as follows:

A)Kuch Kuch Hota Hai 0% B)Kaho Naa Pyaar Hai 100%

B)Kisna 0% D)Kaal 0%

IP: Its tough. But I’ll go with (closes his eyes and points his finger on the screen) B!

AB: Are you su..( AB looks at IP's stare and ..) So computerji lock the answer. You are right. The answer is B.

IP: Good.

AB: Sing that song for us now. It isn't good enough for you to give only the right answer(Smiles)

IP: If you don’t get on with the show, I’ll shave your beard.

AB: Whats the hurry, Iveghotta Pyss? In fact, we will take a commercial break right now. Viewers stay tuned.

Commercial break: Kajaria Tiles-Man has an affair with his floor;

AB: Welcome back. Iveghotta Pyss is on the hot seat and he’s made Rs.3000 so far. Mr.Pyss, I though I would ask you this question before we move on to the serious stuff. You don’t get any money for this, but this question has been troubling me for quite some time. “What came first, the chicken or the egg?”(Smiles cunningly)

IP: Arey stupid fool, whatever you ordered first came first.

AB: Oh. Ok, your next question for Rs.5000 is

What is the minimum age required for a person to vote?

A)19 B)17

C)20 D)18

IP: Oh God. I want to call my brother.

AB: You are using the Call A Friend lifeline. What is your brother’s name?

IP: Bladdher Phull.

AB makes the phone call.

AB: Hello? Bladdher Phull?

BP: Yes.

AB: This is Amitabh Bachchan and your brother needs your help to answer a question.

IP: Hello Bladdher, what is the minimum age required for a person to vote?
BP: I don’t know. I’ve never voted before.

IP: Ok, bye.

AB: So Iveghotta Pyss, whats your ans…

This telecast has been stopped because Iveghotta Pyss has been attacked by Wheresthe Water. We are sorry for the inconvenience. We will now be showing you the documentary, “The Preparation of Ethoxy Ether” hosted by Diana Hayden. We are sorry for the inconvenience.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

A memorable auto ride

Today while I was coming back home from Cricket coaching, I met an auto-driver who was incredibly well-informed about Cricket. I generally pride myself on my Cricket knowledge, but this guy stumped me with the very first question he asked me. "How many different types of dismissals are there in Cricket?" he asked me. I thought for 5 seconds and said "6!” He laughed at me and said that there are 11 types of dismissals and he named them one after the other. My cousin (who was also in the auto with me) and I shared looks of disbelief. He then started talking about the Cricket matches in Sri Lanka. He does not get Ten Sports on his TV but he knew all about the grounds there like what was the maximum score possible in Dambulla, how the wickets suit both batsmen and bowlers and many other stuff like that. I was gaping at him wondering how he knew all this. He then told me and my cousin how we should bat, what kind of Cricket balls we should use and also told us that we have to be proper all-rounders if we want to play for India. I have previously encountered auto-drivers who have sung songs to me. But today’s auto ride was even better than those musical journeys. Today was the first time I had met an auto driver who was as cricket mad as me. Before I knew it, I had reached my house and I was pretty reluctant to get out. While I was paying the auto fare he told me, "I used to only play in my days. Make sure that you do not neglect your studies". I gave him a nod of assurance and left with a big smile on my face.

Friday, August 05, 2005

Ahh, sweet memories!

I was going through some of my old pictures today and I realized that I have had so many weird experiences in my life. I noticed a picture of me when I was 6 years old, dressed prim and proper in my pink uniform(not seen in the pic below due to our graduation coats).
(In the picture, I am the person with the yellow box drawn around his head, Ist row 5th from left)
I did my Pre-KG, LKG education in Saraswati Kindergarten, the only Indian school in Singapore. The school was built behind a temple and I remember walking very carefully whenever I was near the temple due to the large amount of crow droppings on the ground. I learnt the word 'Kaaka pee' for the first time in that school. I was an incredibly shy kid and I would be quiet throughout the day and talk only in English with my classmates(It was a Tamil school !). One day me and my classmates were standing in front of the temple waiting for our teacher to escort us to our classroom. There was this cement pit where Temple visitors would break coconuts. I being the inquisitive one, put my head into the pit and tried counting the number of ants moving across what seemed to be a pretty old, moulding coconut. I was pretty obsessed with ants at that age. My sister, I still haven't forgiven her for this, told me that eating ants was a good thing cos it made you strong. I believed her. I used to pick up these ants and put them in my mouth. I did this for a few days and I noticed that I wasn't becoming any stronger. So, I stopped eating ants. Now back to the incident I was writing about. My head was practically touching this mouldy coconut when I suddenly felt something crash into my head. It was as if my head had broken into two. I could see nothing but ants and crow droppings as I fell into the pit. One of my classmates, bless his soul, had thrown a coconut right on my head. When I came back to my senses, I realized what had happened and I started crying and didn't stop for two hours. It took a lot of cajoling from my teachers to make me realize that I had stopped feeling the pain one and a half hours ago. It was a pretty painful yet unforgettable experience!

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

A rendezvous with Sherri and Chika

I am a member of Planetcricket.net which is a website for Cricket gaming freaks like me. One of the members had started a team called Planetcricket Rockers and I was selected in the final 12 for our inaugural match against the World XI (For more info, click on this link). Few of the players started posting imaginary interviews and I thought "What the heck, lets post one too." But I ended up doing two interviews. I’ve posted the transcript of my 2 interviews here. Ensaay!

Neon is leaving to England from the Chennai airport when he spots Navjot Singh Sidhu jostling his way towards him.

Sidhu: Hello Neon! I am Navjot Sidhu and I would like to interview you for NDTV 24X7 before you leave for England to make your debut for the hottest new team around.

Neon: Err...Ok then...I guess

Sidhu: That’s wonderful, my little friend. How do you plan to tackle the brute pace of Brett Lee, the brilliant accuracy of Glen McGrath and the guile of Shane Warne?

Neon: With my bat.

Sidhu: Ahhaha Neon, you seem to be pretty confident. So do you know how the Lords wicket is gonna play. Pitches are like wives my friends, you never know which way they turn.

Neon: Uhhh..I'll remember that. I really gotta get going.

Sidhu: Ahh yes. The pressures of playing one day cricket. Time waits for no one.

Neon: I guess so. I ....

Sidhu: So tell me Neon, who are you gonna target while you are bowling.

Neon: If I get selected in the main eleven, I will...

Sidhu: Now listen to me Neon, If ifs and buts were pots and pans, then there would be no tinkers.

Neon: What?

Sidhu: Ahh, the innocence of youth. Let me give you one piece of advice. You guys have to play as a cohesive unit. You must gel together. Out think the opposition. Play with a killer instinct. The World XI batsmen are like bicycles in a cycle stand - one falls down and the complete row will be down! So remember, my friend, age and agility is on your side. You can rule the roost. Play your natural game. It’s very important that you score runs and take wickets in your first outing because statistics are like miniskirts, they reveal more than what they hide.
Hey, Neon,... Neon.. Are you sleeping, .. Arey...wake up...you are going to miss your flight. An Air India flight waits for no one, my friend.

Neon manages to escape from Sidhu but is caught by Kris Srikkhant who too wants to interview him for Fourth Umpire.

Kris: So Neon, how are you feeling now? Goin to play your first match. I remember when I played my first match. I was nervous. But Kapil bhai gave me confidence. "Natural game khelanga" he said to me. I still remember the first ball I faced...

Neon: I am very sorry, Mr. Srikkhant, but I have to catch my flight.

Kris: Enna periya podalanga flight. If one goes, another one will come. Airport has to make money no? So tell me, what is your age?

Neon: 16

Kris: Did you know that I was the captain when Sacheen made his debut at the age of 16?

Neon: Yes, you've told that many many times before whenever you come on TV.

Kris: I shaped his career. He came to me when he was raw. I polished him. Made him the best batsman in the world.

Neon: Whatever.

Kris: The world XI is a good team. Are you confident of picking up some wickets?

Neon: Yes. Why not?

Kris: Why not? Because you are an ondranna bowler. Gilchrist will put the ball on top of the roof.

Neon: Why? Is he afraid of it or something?

Kris: No. I am saying he will hit a six.

Neon: Oh. It’s the final boarding call for me. I'll see you later.

Kris: Wait Neon. Don't you have anything to say to the viewers?

Neon: You have viewers?

Kris: You know, you are acting little too much here.

Neon: Sorry Chika. Umm Viewers, as Srikkhant advised me I will "natural game khelanga" and you also "natural game khelanga". Let us all"natural game khelanga". Bye Chika.

Neon runs into the aeroplane.

Kris: So my dear viewers, you have seen Neon just leaving for England. Undoubtedly he has a lot of potential. But if he follows my advice, he will become the next Sacheen. He will become a "Superb" batsman. Back to you Charu in the studio.

Charu: Srikkhant is so amazing.

Roshni Chopra: Chika is so great.

Atul Wassan: Does anyone have parachute coconut oil? My hair has lost some moisture.