Monday, May 30, 2005

How do you pronounce Midas?

I always believed that you pronounce Midas as My-dus. But some people tend to pronounce it as Meidas. I don't know why cos it sounds really stupid. Well I was thinking about this after reading the incredibly stupid script I had written about Mydus for English class. I have reproduced the script below for your reading pleasure.

Key: M-Midas; B- Supposed to be the genie guy, I don't remember his name, so let's call him Bourbon; D-Daughter; S-Servant;

Many many years ago, there was this king Midas who lived in Greece. We are going to take you back (hopefully!) to the days of Midas and show you what a greedy pig he was.
B-You have pleased me, Midas. You did a great job in cleaning my toe nails. I have to leave now. Chinki Pinki will be waiting.
M-Your fifth wife?
B-No, fifteenth. I have a few wishes to give away, bought them on Baazee. Do you want one?
M-Sure. Give me a wish so that whatever I touch turns gold.
B leaves.
M-Aha, I am now the richest guy in Greece!
M touches the table. It turns into gold. Touches the window. It too becomes gold.
M-Cool! Tinky Winky, bring me some food.
S-Sire, this is some dish called pizza that the King of Italy sent as a gift.
M-(touches it) Oh! It turned to gold! What am I supposed to do? I am sooo hungry.
M sits in the chair and goes to sleep. When he gets up he see his daughter.
D-Dad, I beat Dipsy in arm wrestling. I bet I can beat you too.
M-No one can beat me.
They arm wrestle. D turns to gold.
M-Oh my God! She's a golden girl. B I need you.
B-Whassup Midas?
M-I dont want my wish. Take it away, please, take it away.
B-I thought this would happen. I'll take away your wish on one condition.
M-Whats that?
B-Clean my toe nails.

I bet no one can figure out the TV show in which Tinky Winky and Dipsy come in. If you do know, then please tell me cos I've forgotten the name of the show.

Friday, May 27, 2005

"Barking dogs seldom bite." Yeah Right!!

I am pretty weird when it comes to dogs. I like seeing them on movies and stuff but if I am in a twenty mile radius of them, I get petrified. Not only do I get scared by big dogs like Alsations and Shepherds (Australian, English, David) I get an incredible inclination to run and hide whenever I see puppies. It's just that I don't want to get bitten. It's that simple. If dogs did not have teeth or nails I would be the first person to play with them. The very unfortunate thing is that my cousin who also happens to be my neighbour has a couple of puppies. They are these wild black things that jump on you at the most inopportune times. The scariest part about dogs is that they can smell fear. For example, everyday I walk down the street to see if there is anything fun to do and on the way I have to pass a house which houses a big, thin, black dog with sharp teeth and bad breath. The dog lies inside the house and is tied to a pillar or something. I start to sweat when I near that house and the dog begins to bark and gnare its teeth. I start to run, it tries to break away from its leash and we both end up being tired and disgusted. I think that the only reason for all of this is: Dogs HATE me. Even though I fight for them when someone throws a stone at them, they hate me. Yesterday I was chased by two puppies at 10.30 in the night but I am pleased to tell you that I outran them. The sad thing is that they were my cousin's puppies and they will be waiting for me when I enter his house. If you have any ideas for evading these puppies and entering the house, PLEASE feel free to tell me.

Friday, May 20, 2005

" I have come here for better education"

Ahh, I am in the 12th standard now and I am not enjoying my school life one bit. I have to sit through special classes during the holidays and come back home and study for the tests (yes already) that the teachers keep every day. You would think that everybody in my class would feel the same way I do. Interestingly ,no. There is this one guy in my class, a newcomer, who relishes studying. He claims that he came to our school in the pursuit of better education!? . Why would he do that? Seems absurd to me. Well anyway, he is not the greatest when it comes to speaking English and that makes him an easy target to tease. I don’t tease him, why would I? I just tend to talk to him in a confusing manner. The other day I asked him if his favourite channel is Asianet (he is from Kerala and I wanted a starter for a conversation) and he said that he does not have cable. “Hmm, he doesn’t have cable”, I thought. “Do you have a TV?” was my next question. “Nooo” was his extremely cheerful answer. “I have come here to study. Why do I need a TV?” he asked me. I told him that having a TV was something a normal human being would consider. He just smiled at me and I knew that I had lost my argument. How can you argue with someone who has such an annoying smile? The other day, one of my classmates asked him his opinion on girls. “Chha (Eww)” was his quick reply. Too talkative was his reason. During Chemistry class yesterday I asked him “What did the Maths book say to the Chemistry book?”. He didn’t know the answer. “I have many problems” I said and started laughing. He didn’t think that was funny and told me that if I kept interrupting his concentration I would have problems to face. And we left it at that.

Monday’s Schedule:
Chemistry Class: Ask him his views about the impact of sodium peroxide on human civilization.
Physics Class: Tell him that I am the ghost of Isaac Newton.
Maths Class: Ask him if he feels that Maths is necessary for life and to write an essay to illustrate his point. Tell him another Math book joke.

Monday, May 16, 2005

I can't understand anything!!!

" I cannot understand anything " were the words oft repeated by Carol (Manasi Subramaniam) in the play 'Oleanna' staged in the Sivagami Petachi Auditorium by Masquerade, the drama group. To be honest the same words were echoing through my head as I sat for two hours in row-G of the auditorium wearing my Cricket track pants and suffering a mighty itch. Well, the play deals about sexual harassment. John (Krishnakumar) is a professor who talks a lot and makes very little sense. Carol is from a middle class household and has trouble understanding her professor in class (who wouldn't). She goes to him after class hours to demystify the book he has given the class to read. He infuriates her so much that she starts to cry and he places his hand on her shoulder and she accuses him of sexual harassment and he is given the boot by the School tenure commitee. That is the play in a nut shell. It makes us wonder (or atleast tries to) who the victim in the play was. Honestly, I don't care. Both the characters are idiots. I have bigger problems like how to get rid of that mighty itch.

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Friday, May 13, 2005

That Damn Cola!

I had the worst luck a couple of days back. I don't think something like this will ever happen again . It was around 6:50 PM when I came out of the Mcrennet in Kodambakkam. I was just about to leave when one of my friends asked me to buy him a drink. So I went back inside. When I came out it was 6:52 PM. Not a lot of time wasted, you would think. Well it was these two minutes which landed me in trouble. My car was parked on the road opposite to Mcrennet and so I had to cross the road. I stood on the pavement and waited for the traffic to subside. I saw my chance. This car had put on its left indicator and I assumed that this car would turn into the petrol bunk a few meters ahead of it. I began to cross. I almost reached the other side when I suddenly saw the car coming towards me. I did not know what to do. The car braked in time and I was safe or so I thought. The driver rolled down the window and of all the people to be in the car it was my Cricket coach. He gave me the firing of a lifetime. The car was actually going to take the second left and not the first. He shouted at me till his throat became hoarse. Just think about it, if my friend hadn't asked for that damn cola I would have escaped my coach's wrath. It is sort of like that movie 'Sliding Doors' or '12B' in Tamil. What a difference two minutes can make!!! I have decided to make a movie based on this incident and it will be called "That Damn Cola". Will release it in Japan with Malay subtitles.

Sunday, May 08, 2005

The SAT and what it has done to me! And a special feature: What is life?

I took my first major step towards foreign education when I wrote the 'New' SAT on Saturday. I have no idea what score I will get. When I wrote the SAT practice tests and hoped for a good score I was disappointed. The opposite happened when I expected a poor score. I am expecting a poor score for the actual test but then that would have to be a good sign. My involvement with this SAT test( no wait its just SAT or else it would be Scholastic Aptitude Test test and that would be wrong.... well whatever) has made me analyze every story book I read. Like yesterday, before going to sleep I read a book on Cricket and my first thoughts were, "Is the author mildy critical or is he exhibiting reasoned opposition or optimistic fervour...". I have forgotten how to enjoy reading books. Thanks to this annoying exam. The sad thing is I have to write it again if I don't get a good score. Well life ain't a bed of roses as some idiot once said. Life ain't full of thorns either. Wait a minute. Thats it. I have got the best example to explain life. I don't think anyone has ever come up with something so insightful.
Life is like an ant climbing a rose plant. The ant has to move carefully and skillfully avoiding the thorns on the stem and finally it reaches the pinnacle of glory, i.e, the rose petal. Just when the ant thinks that it is the king or queen of the world, a butterfly comes and sits on it. That is life. Someone always squashes you. And that is how we get jam.