The Society of People Who Have Nothing to Do has given me the task of choosing the worst show in television today. The two nominees for this award are Koffee with Karan and The Fourth Umpire, both very bad in their own right.
Karan Johar. The first thing that comes to mind when I hear his name is puke followed by some more puke and then more puke. He is so annoying, he makes me want to grab his head and smash it into 'The Coffee Wall'. To be frank I was pretty excited about this concept of coffee with the guests before the show started. He had a good theme. But the show sucked, sucked hard. The most idiotic gadget ever seen on public television is definitely the lie-o-meter. I know, it sounds dorky too. He presses this door bell sort of thing(which he most probably stole from Aditya Chopra’s house) when he thinks that his guests are lying. Yet when he asks the guests about how good his show is the lie-o-meter doesn't work. Then there is the rapid fire round where he asks questions which if answered truthfully by the guests could put an end to their acting careers. But it’s all worth it because if you win you get the Coffee Hamper as a prize. Wow. It’s a basket with coffee seeds which fall out of Karan’s head every time he has a haircut. My overall opinion about Karan-he’s dumber than a rock. At least a rock knows to shut up
(Rock: ‘Thanks neon’).
Favourite attire-Lab coat
Favourite line- ‘This is MY show’
Favourite toy- The lie-o-meter
Favourite question- ‘So, how did you like my show?’
Favourite gimmick-The coffee hamper
Now let’s look at our other nominee, ‘The Fourth Umpire’. This show has four crackpots (I’m being kind here) reviewing the events of a cricket match. There are so many reasons to hate this show. I have put them down in points for your reading pleasure.
The opening credits are made in powerpoint 95.
Roshni Chopra (presenter) knows zilch about cricket, dresses stupidly and looks anorexic. Other than that she’s great.
Charu Sharma(presenter) thinks that his voice is soothing but actually its pretty creepy. He tends to heat things up (ask Roshni) in the studio with his macho language and muscular looks.
Kris Srikkant speaks Hindi. It wouldn’t be that bad if he actually knew how to speak Hindi. But he doesn’t. He uses the adjective ‘superb’ for every thing. It was a superb shot, a superb delivery, a superb catch (I hope ur getting my drift). He has an ugly beard, an ugly coat, an ugly tie and a smile to go with it.
Atul Wassan has too much grease on his head. He does not use hair gel. He uses Parachute coconut oil. Two bottles every morning. A piece of advice Atul, ‘To look cool on the show all you have to do is turn up. The others are so bad, you will be the hero. So lay low on the oil.’ I do not know what Atul talks about on the show because I don’t know Hindi but I think that he sucks too.
The Fair and Lovely sponshorship. I think that their ads are degrading and that they should cover themselves with a blanket and sit on a hot stove listening to Kris ‘chika’ Srikkhant’s commentary.
One word to describe the set-horrible.
Srikkhant sang on the show. I would rather see Randy Jackson playing with a hula hoop.
Both shows are really bad. I don’t think there is a word in the dictionary to describe how bad these 2 shows are. But the winner of the inaugural ‘The Soiciety of People Who Have Nothing to Do Worst Show on Television Award’ is The Fourth Umpire. Hope u all agree with my decision. If not, who cares. Go smoke a pipe.